Many leaders want to create an environment of open communication. Open communication is important for an organization. It ensures that problems and issues get raised, and more importantly solved, in constructive ways. The secret to creating such an environment isn’t communication at all. It’s something more fundamental. If you want an open environment, you must create an environment of trust and respect. Once you accomplish that, communication will flow freely in all directions. There are four things you can do immediately to start building an environment of trust and respect. All four require small changes in the way you communicate but will have a big impact.

Separate facts from emotion
Most of us have at least two conversations going on at any time. There is the conversation (or conversations) that we are actually having with others and there is the conversation we are having in our head. Consider the following example:

Suppose that Joe gives Sam a work assignment. Sam questions Joe to understand more about the assignment. Joe sees this as Sam questioning his authority. This causes Joe to think that Sam does not think he is competent. In turn Joe begins to distrust Sam as he thinks that Sam is trying to undermine him. Joe begins to distance himself from Sam, engaging him less ultimately ruining both of their success.

We all have these conversations. Unfortunately, the conversation in our head quickly departs from the one that is happening with others. The one in our head involves assumptions, biases, past experiences, our own insecurities, or our own issues everything but what is actually going on around us. That would be fine if the conversation remained confined to our heads. The problem is that the conversation in our head often begins to influence the conversation we are having with others. As a result, we stop talking about what’s real and engage in a dialog of imagined problems and issues. As a leader, you have two jobs in keeping conversations to the facts: 1) recognize when you are focusing more on what’s inside your head than on what is happening in front of you, and 2) communicate in a way that keeps others from spiraling into emotion-based conversations. The remaining three tips will help you do both.

Listen and ask questions
One of the biggest drivers of communication problems is lack of listening. Listening is not the same as hearing. Hearing is a passive activity whereas listening is active. Listening is about seeking understanding. Active listening is also one of the most powerful ways to convey respect. If you are focused on your computer, Blackberry, or another conversation while someone is speaking, you are essentially telling them that you do not respect them enough to provide your full attention. More importantly, you are inevitably missing what they are saying. Recent studies show that despite people’s belief in their ability to multitask, no one really does. They might pick up snippets of a conversation, but you often lose the subtly or meaning behind that conversation.

One way to both ensure and demonstrate that you are listening is to ask questions. If you set a goal to respond to every question or statement with a question, you will soon find that you are more attentive to the person speaking. You have to be. You have to listen in order to find something to ask about. At first this might feel awkward or even inefficient. Why would you answer a question with a question? Doesn’t that just prolong the conversation? Give it a try. Eventually it will become more comfortable. And, you’ll probably soon find out that your conversations become more efficient. Once you start listening, you will actually start answering the question that was asked instead of the one that you thought you heard. This will also prevent the dialog in your head from taking over the conversation. By asking questions, you clarify the other person’s intent rather than making it up.

Here are some tips to improve your listening:

Key principles

• Agreement does not always equal understanding
• Understanding does not have to equal agreement
• Fierce conversations do not have to be mean conversations
• Everybody owns a piece of the true reality—seek it out

Tips

• Answer questions with questions. If you don’t have a question, try one of these . . .

Can you give me an example?

Why do you think that?

Can you explain that a little more

• The more certain you are, the more questions you need to be asking.
• Never make a statement until you’ve asked a question
• Ask yourself, “Am I trying to get others to understand me” or am I trying to
  understand them?”

Separate people from issues
Which statement sounds better?

• You don’t seem to care about your work.
• I noticed several errors in the document that you gave me.

Most people prefer the second one. The first one is a statement about the individual. It may or may not be true but more importantly it does not solve the problem. It doesn’t even state the problem. Worse yet, it primes the other person for an emotional conversation in their head. Statements about people don’t create trust. Statements about issues do. There are a few things you can do to keep the conversation focused on issues and away from the person:

Focus on . . .

• Tasks or activities
• Data and facts
• Standard or targets

Avoid . . .

• Adjectives
• Judgments
• Motivations (or guessing what they might be)

Move people toward success rather than away from failure
Have you ever told a young child not to spill? What usually happens? They spill. In fact, the more you tell them not to spill, the more likely they are to spill. One explanation I’ve heard for this is that our brains have a difficult time visualizing the negative. We understand it conceptually but we can’t “see” it. So, when you tell the child not to spill, what they visualize is spilling. You’d be much better off telling the child to keep the bottom of their class flat on the table or to keep the glass upright. They can see that in their mind, and, they can do it.

Aside from being easier to visualize, most people prefer receiving positive direction. People like to achieve goals and get results. Consider the following two pieces of feedback:

• There were many spelling errors in your presentation
• It is important that our presentations are accurate and meticulous format

It is the same point. Yet, the first one puts people on the defensive and primes their emotional pump The second gives them a goal, something for which they can achieve and feel good about themselves. The second one also builds open communication. With the second statement, the individual is more likely to engage you in a conversation about how to avoid such problems in the future. With the first statement, they’ll probably focus on why the problem wasn’t their fault or on why you always pick on them.

Here are a few tips for keeping your conversations focused on positive outcomes:

Focus on . . .

• Visualizing the positive
• Explaining what you want (what success looks like)
• Using specific, observable outcomes

Avoid . . .

• Telling people what “not” to do
• Using vague language (happy customers, friendly attitude)
• Making comparisons to other people (“Just be like Mary”)

Create trust and respect and you’ll open up communication
If you want open communication, you have to build trust. People will respond better when you show that you respect them, demonstrate trust, and give them positive goals and outcomes to achieve.