Last week I had the opportunity to attend the grand opening of Westlake Fish House in Montauk, NY (www.westlakefishhouse.com).  What made the event even more special for me was that one of the owners of the restaurant is my brother, Larry Kolar.  

I’ve always known that my brother was a great chef.  And, as many younger brothers will tell you about their older brothers, I also knew that he was a total rock star!  However, what I didn’t know until last week (although I wasn’t surprised to find out) was that he is also a great leader.

Who would have thought that the leadership consultant in our family would be taking leadership lessons from the chef?  After all, he’s never asked my advice on cooking!

The lessons that I learned from my brother came indirectly.  Most came from talking with his customers and employees.  That made them even more powerful as I got to see my brother through the eyes of those he leads and those he serves (which sometimes is hard to differentiate).

My brother does not have an HR department, employee engagement surveys, or an engagement strategy yet his employees were among the most engaged people I’ve ever seen.  This is despite the fact that he has incredibly high expectations and can be very demanding (anyone who has watched a cooking reality show knows how crazy chefs can be). 

People who work for him want to do well.  They want to be successful. But what struck me as most unusual was that they want him to be successful.  How many employees do you know who genuinely have their boss’s back? 

My brother is a leader in the truest sense.  He is not the leader because he is the owner or because his name is in a “leadership” box on an organization chart.  He is a leader because the people with whom he works want to follow him.

Here is what I learned on a cool April evening, in a cozy new restaurant nestled among the docks in Montauk Harbor.

Respect everyone – My brother treats everyone with the upmost respect.  If you watched an interaction between my brother and any of his employees or customers, you wouldn’t be able to tell what role that person played.  Everyone is important to him and he shows it.  More importantly, he cares about each one first as a person, then as an employee or customer.  He treats people fairly and shows genuine concern for their interests even if that means that he occasionally has to forego a bit on his.

Make it fun.  A restaurant can be a very demanding environment with as much (or even more) stress than any corporate environment.  Yet, he keeps the atmosphere upbeat.  He jokes, he laughs, and most importantly he doesn’t take himself too seriously.  This doesn’t stop him from taking his work very seriously.  He is not shy about letting people know when there is an issue with their performance.  He resolves problems swiftly and decisively.  But, once the problem is solved it is solved.  He doesn’t dwell on it or the individual who was involved and gets back to having fun.  His staff translates those cues into the way they interact with customers.  His restaurant is a place where people, both employees and customers, want to be!

Don’t compromise on your expectations – Despite the laid back and fun atmosphere of the restaurant, the expectations are very high.  Everyone knows what my brother expects when it comes to quality, service, and experience.  They also know that sub-par performance is not tolerated.

I think that sometimes leaders shy away from being tough on their people and holding them to high expectations.  They mistakenly believe that doing so will demotivate their people.  However, being tough is not the same as being mean or disrespectful.  You can be clear about your expectations and hold people accountable as long as you do so in a fair, respectful, and supportive manner.  In fact, people will appreciate you for it.  Often the teachers, coaches, and bosses who people remember the most (and say had the greatest impact) were the ones who were “tough”.

My brother doesn’t punish people for not meeting his expectations (he doesn’t sweet talk them either!)  Instead, he talks with them and helps them improve.  He cares less about casting blame and more about how to help people meet his expectations.  In doing so, he’s created a workforce that delivers more than they probably thought possible.  He gives them a sense of purpose, mastery, and accomplishment. He shows that a high performing environment can also be a fun and interesting environment. 

Don’t expect more from others than you do from yourself – While expectations on the staff are incredibly high, they pale in comparison to what my brother expects of himself.  For him, there is no “good enough.”  He drives himself harder than he does anyone else.  He would rather self-assess than self-congratulate.  Most importantly, he would never hold anyone accountable to something that he was unable or unwilling to deliver himself.  I find this to be among his most admirable traits.  I’ve seen too many leaders whose expectations of their people far surpass those of themselves.

My brother never took a course or workshop on leadership.  He doesn’t read a lot of articles and journals that talk about how to be a better leader.  He doesn’t need to.  For him, leadership is not a topic or set of principles that are applied in addition to his regular work.  His regular work is leading.  It’s understanding what he wants and how to get there.  Most importantly, it’s about creating an environment where employees and customers want to come along not just for what they get, but because they believe in and care so much about what and who you are.

Westlake Fish House is going to be a shining star in the Montauk restaurant scene.  Its owner is already a shining star in the leadership scene!