There is an old saying from the movies, “Never bring a knife to a gun fight”.  It turns out, that’s pretty good advice when thinking about data.  Using data to defend yourself in a fight probably isn’t going to work.

Think about the last time you were on the giving (or receiving) end of a heated discussion. Was anyone involved particularly interested in what the data had to say? You both should have been.  The problem probably would have gotten resolved faster if you were. However, in that moment, nether of you could properly make sense of any data.

As soon as a conversation becomes “heated”, both parties start to go into “fight” mode. Heart rates begin to race and people may feel flushed as blood is pumped to the critical parts of their body.  Some people may get a “pit” in their stomach. These are the physical responses of your body getting ready to fight.  However, there are also cognitive responses.  When we are threatened and in fight mode the thinking part of our brain gets shut down.  Instead, our bodies get geared up for a more primitive, physical response.(1)  Those who train themselves to sense and respond to their bodies going into fight mode are often more successful at resolving conflicts.

Providing data to a person in fight mode often backfires.  That’s because the data isn’t perceived and processed as data.  Instead, it is perceived as you “hitting back” (remember you are both in fight mode).  Getting hit back in a fight rarely reduces tensions.  I’ve seen or experienced many times when a customer service rep tries to calm down an angry customer using data and facts only to have the person go into a deeper rage.

You won’t get someone out of fight mode with facts.  You can bring them back through empathy and understanding. That’s how the best leaders and customer service people do it. Remember, fight mode is a reaction to a threat not a data point or fact.  You need to understand the threat (real or perceived). Then you need to help the other person see that 1) you are not a part of that threat and 2) the threat itself doesn’t exist.  Once the threat is removed, you can then have a data-driven discussion to resolve the actual issue.

Don’t try to win an emotional argument with data. It won’t work.  It can’t work.  The only way that data can influence someone is if their brain is capable of processing it in the first place.

 

1.Nadler, Relly, What Was I Thinking: Handling the Hijack.   https://www.psychologytoday.com/files/attachments/51483/handling-the-hijack.pdf