Giving feedback is a lot like playing darts. The best way to win is to have a sharp point, pitch it at the right angle, and have it stick.

Keeping your point sharp

Darts become dull when used over and over again. So does feedback. Saying the same thing repeatedly doesn’t reinforce your point, it dulls it. There are three ways to ensure that your points are sharp and that they stay sharp:

1)   Be specific. “Hone” your feedback by speaking in terms of tangible actions or behaviors. Provide examples and alternatives. Speaking in generalities may make someone aware of the issues but it doesn’t help him or her improve. For example, instead of saying, “Your work is sloppy” you might consider saying, “Your work often has typos and grammatical errors”.

2) Be timely. Memories fade and become dull over time. Try to narrow the gap between when your people perform a positive or negative behavior and when you provide feedback.

3) Use multiple approaches – If your point doesn’t seem to register, regroup. Think of a different way to present the issue. Sometimes you can ask the person to describe their behavior or thought process. They are often surprised at what they discover about themselves. Or, have the person observe someone else who exhibits a similar behavior and discuss it.

Pitch at the right angle

If you throw a dart at the wrong angle, it bounces off the board. Feedback is the same. If your message comes across as a personal attack, it will bounce off the recipient or simply deflects to the side. At other times, as with the dart, it comes shooting right back at you. They key to delivering tough messages is positioning them in a way the makes it easier for the recipient to hear rather than deflect.

1) Separate the person from the issue – Talk about behaviors and results rather than attributes or judgments. Think about a) what is happening that shouldn’t or b) what is not happening that should. Use verbs instead of adjectives. For example, saying that someone is demotivated, dishonest, or not engaged are all judgments (adjectives). Behavioral alternatives (verbs) would be “not participating in meetings”, “actions contradict statements” or “not accessible or timely in his or her responses”.

Shifting from adjectives to verbs keeps the conversation focused on fact-based, observable data that tends to drive less emotional responses. It also drives the conversations to behaviors.

2) Focus on what you know or can see – Telling someone that he or she is late too often provides the basis for a data-driven discussion. Telling someone that they don’t care or are unmotivated is speculative. Guessing what someone is thinking often leads to the wrong conclusion and can lead to resistance. People resent being told what is inside their head.

3) Use data and benchmarks rather than superlatives– Very few things occur ALWAYS or NEVER. Such words tend to inflame the conversation. Using always or never enables the receiver to discount your statement as soon as he or she find one counter-example. Instead, compare an individual’s performance against a reliable standard.

Make it stick

In darts, hitting the target in the right place isn’t enough. The dart has to stick. The same is true for feedback. Having a sharp point and throwing at the right angle are a good start. You also need enough force to penetrate the target.

1) Be direct – If you have a serious issue to address, do so directly. Hedging or qualifying your comments gives the receiver a free pass to discount what you are saying. Similarly, if something is important they need to know. Not all feedback is equal. Some is meant to polish performance. Other feedback is meant to fix problems and needs immediate attention. Don’t leave that interpretation to chance.

2) Keep it forward-facing – World-class athletes visualize their event before starting. Good dart players focus on the part of the target they want to hit. They don’t look at the spots they want to avoid. By focusing on positive behaviors, you provide your people with something to which they can aspire.

Instead of saying “You are too focused on your discrete part of the business” you might say, “We need you to broaden your thinking and actions to address the needs of the business as a whole.” It’s easier and more motivating to visualize positive behaviors than it is to visualize avoiding negative ones.

3) Create accountability – Often leaders do a great job of delivering a tough message, but then let the person off the hook. Feedback should end with an expectation of what should happen as a result of the discussion. Then it’s your job to follow up to see that it is happening.

By making your feedback sharp, pitched correctly, and sticky you increase the chance that it will take hold and influence behavior. While most of this essay focused on giving “negative” feedback, the same principles apply to positive feedback. If you want people to continue doing something positive, it is equally important to make sure that they understand what they did, they hear your message, and it sticks.

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Brad Kolar is an executive consultant, speaker, and author with Avail Advisors. Avail can help you create clarity and accountability with your teams. Contact Brad at brad.kolar@availadvisors.com.